Out of Focus

When I was in high school, I had a wonderful yearbook advisor. I was one of the editors my senior year, and I spent a lot of time in her classroom. She gave me significant responsibility and treated me like an adult rather than a student. At one point, however, she noticed that things seemed out of balance in my life. (I have a tendency to get, you know, Miss Busy Body. I'm sure that's a surprise to you.) She called me in her office and asked me to take a look at one of the cameras the photographers were using. She said, "Just look through this lens and tell me what you see. I think there's something wrong with this camera." I thought she was nuts to ask me, but I did what she asked (rolling my eyes all the way, I'm sure.) I looked through the camera and saw a blur. I said, "There's nothing wrong with this camera, it's just out of focus." As I gave her the camera back, her eyes said it all. I had been fighting to keep everything in balance, and when it didn't work I assumed something was wrong with me. Yep, like the whole world will stop revolving if I don't get to the 4:00 meeting on time. She taught me that I just needed to re-focus on my priorities. This issue has been a struggle for me for a long time.

So, as I sit here in the wee hours of the morning (having been awakened once again by a 7-month old who is still not sleeping through the night-God's way of reminding me, AGAIN, that I do not have it all together) I realize - through the Lord's leading, I'm sure...that I need to re-focus.

It is at this point that my fellow soldiers in the trenches would resort to a prescription drug to help them get back into alignment. That sounds very nice to me right now. Very nice indeed. But I am going to attempt to make the harder choice and actually plow through the muck. I need to make some difficult sacrifices in order to make room for the necessary things. Good is sometimes the enemy of Best. I cannot do this on my own, as God is reminding me constantly. But, I know there are some things that need to take a back seat. Blogging is one of them.

Blogging is my outlet. Well, one of them. But, it has become a crutch. I use it for "me" time in the mornings, but it can easily turn into an all-day adventure moving from one blog to another until I feel I've had my fill. Meanwhile, there is laundry and errands and a 3 year-old in desperate need of a spanking, uh-hem, I mean, attention.

In an effort to put first things first I am taking a bloggy break to spend time focusing on my God, my family, my body, my children and my home. It may come as a surprise to you, but I cannot do it all (as I've said before, especially not all at the same time.) Baby number 5 has officially catapulted this family into more than I can handle, and I need to look through that camera again and re-focus. Here's a peek at my to-do list which haunts me everynight...

Read Beth Moore study for next week
Re-paint John's room
Move Peter into John's room
Move baby Rachel into Ruth's room
Train Gideon to come when he's called (before I lose him)
Read Andrew Peterson's new book and blog about it
Add BooMama and Half Pint House to sidebar
Plan weekend getaway with hubby (which is coming up in 2 weeks!)
Call baseball parents to see who'll volunteer to be team mom
Train Rachel to sleep through the night (all my tried and true tricks haven't worked)
Organize scrapbook stuff
Vacuum the house
Find a pre-school for Gideon for this fall
Clean trash out of backyard to make spring a little more enjoyable!
Take a nap

Ok, you get the idea. I need a maid.

I'll be back after the dust has settled.


Virginia (Jenny) said...

Oh my gosh. I know how you feel!!! It makes me realize more and more, how much I need God! My list is unbelievably long also. We will just have to pray for each other. I had my fifth 7 months ago and I'm stretched also. To top it off, I get way more criticism from people in my life than from fellow bloggers. It is hard to deal with that on top of it.

Jennifer Stanfield said...

When my twins were infants, our Pastor asked my husband and I to speak to the congregation on the topic, "God is working in our midst." He had planned for a few others from our church to speak as well. I had prayed & did not have anything to say that felt worthy to be shared from the pulpit. I was buried in daily chores for pre-mature babies. I still didn't have "a message" when I stepped up to speak that morning, so I confessed how I had no idea why the Pastor asked me to speak. My hands were full! Change diaper here, feed baby there, fix dinner... I then said, "I guess my first priority right now is being wife and mother." I thought God was working through me in those job titles. Then very quietly, deep in my spirit, as I was looking out over the congregation (feeling overwhelmed with God had "called" me to do), I heard God say... "No, your first priority is to Me." Tears immediately came to my eyes & I stopped speaking. I apologized to my church family and told them that indeed "God IS working in our midst". He had just reminded me that through all the busyness -- He comes first. So if you are feeling the need to re-focus, remember to "Seek Him first, and all these things shall be added unto you".

Jonathan & Julie Davis said...

Wow, Kristen! It sounds like we have a lot more in common than a home state and church camp memories!! This blog entry of yours really hit home!! Plus, I noticed you are a Beth Moore/Scrapbooking/Andrew Peterson fan! WOW!! Have you discovered Derek Webb??

We will surely have to catch up sometime...Hopefully on this side of heaven! :)


Katherine@Raising Five said...

I don't know how long you took a break but I'm glad you came to "see" me this week! Loved your tips - I need to be reminded of this stuff all the time.

Congratulations on your newest one (I'm so out of the blogging loop - extremely belated, sorry!) - raising five is just a bit on the crazy side. Welcome!